As you can imagine I am worried, but what you cannot imagine is that I have OCD. I have suffered from this disorder my whole life, this is why it is very hard for me to get out of my comfort zone without panicking and driving the people around me crazy. This summer I decided to take the BIG step and have a liposuction surgery. It is actually the first surgery in my life. I was on the tipping point with a tonsillectomy back in High-school, which I managed to avoid at the last minute, and a few months later my tonsils were back in shape. Probably my tonsils suffer from OCD as well. To get back to the point though, I started my research two years ago. I had my computer swamped with excels and my Chrome crowded with bookmarks. I knew every doctor from every clinic in Virginia and also any good or bad review that was ever written in what seemed at that time a secret stalker’s Liposuction Files. During this period I also had some updates to make, some doctors moved town others retired or changed clinics. Without exaggerating, I could release an e-book on the Liposuction Industry in Virginia Beach but I didn’t. Instead I decided to listen my therapist and erase all the documents. She asked me to make my pick based on the information I already had memorized, just like any other person would do.
I grew up believing that perfection exists, only that nobody really took the trouble to search for it thoroughly. And this is what I did from as long as I could remember trying to control everything in my life, in order to find that safe place in which I could for once feel comfortable being me. But the more I tried, the less control I really had over things, and the fatter I got. I am also a very meticulous, highly organized human being, this is what I used to think that kept me alive. Still I could never get the hang of this weight thing in spite of dozen of diets, crazy work-outs, prescribed weight loss medication and so on. All worked until one point: I did lose weight until I started gaining it again after a short period. And all of it gathers around my belly and thighs. Even if I have skinny legs, arms and face, my body keeps on reacting to some mysterious psychological force inside, which I am only now beginning to crack.
To help me properly prepare for the plastic surgery (which means in my case making sure this surgery won’t be another last minute thing I gave up on), I decided to pay the whole sum in advance and block any forums and liposuction surgery related websites in order to stop my frantic search for information until 4 AM in the morning. Next step was to write all the instructions down on post-its, which I placed in different rooms of my house: who will take me to the hospital, who will take me from the hospital (back-up 1 and 2). I also talked to two cleaning ladies, two personal Chefs specialised on stay-fit foods who were also given careful instruction from my doctor and also two nurses who would take care of me post-surgery. I like to keep two for each to avoid personal problem issues that may occur in my 3-day after the operation period. Knowing that things fall into place helps me feel a little better. I still have a lot of things on my list which I simply cannot prevent: for e.g. a natural phenomenon such as an earthquake or a tornado before, during or after my surgery, a bad day for the doctor or for the nurse or for both (I also made sure that the doctor I chose has a pretty average life with little surprises, someone who was born and raised in Virginia and knows his city quite well. He is not a partygoer, nor does he have a small child or a pregnant wife in the last trimester, or a sick relative. My doctor is actually an incurable optimist who always has a joke or a counter-scenario for my future projected horror stories). I am actually pretty envious of him. This is where I would like to be in ten years’ time, optimistically of course!